Another meaningless election was held yesterday. Well, OK, it was meaningless for regular folks. As Andy Borowitz reminds us, it wasn't meaningless for those hoping to prosper from the result.
WASHINGTON —Congressional seats are on pace to fetch a whopping four billion dollars on Tuesday night, a record-smashing sales figure that has exceeded the expectations of even the most optimistic insiders.
The seats, which include four hundred and thirty-five in the House of Representatives and thirty-six in the Senate, have attracted buyers from a broad spectrum of industries, including investment banking, energy, pharmaceutical, and gun.
“With all of the uncertainty in the world today, the United States Congress is considered a very safe place for the rich to invest their money,” said Charles Michollot, of the auction house Sotheby’s. “Congressional seats are like Manhattan real estate—they aren’t making any more of them.”
But Anton Pickardin, of the rival auction house Christie’s, sounds more skeptical. “I hate to be a wet blanket, but these sales figures lack rhyme and reason,” Pickardin said. “When someone is willing to pay millions of dollars for a pre-owned Mitch McConnell, you know that people have lost their minds.”
But Sotheby’s Michollot remains confident that, even at these hefty prices, congressional seats are a wise investment. “When these seats go up for sale again, in 2016, four billion dollars is going to look like a bargain,” he said.
A pre-owned Mitch McConnell. Priceless. I do have one question — why are you allowed to tell the truth only if your stuff is labeled humor or satire?
Anyway, ABC News did an exit poll which offered a fleeting glimpse of reality.
Not surprisingly, the economy seems to be the most important issue to voters, but Ebola, gay marriage and marijuana legalization did not fall far behind.
Ebola? Gay marriage? Marijuana?
OK, we already knew the co-opted assholes at ABC and Americans generally are dumber than a box of rocks. That's not news, and neither is this.
MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE? THE ECONOMY
• 45 percent say the economy is the most important issue in their vote (out of four choices). That’s down from 2012 when 59 percent chose it and 2010, and 2008, when 63 percent said it was their top issue – but still a big number.
• Half of voters expect life for the next generation of Americans to be worse, by far the most to say so in exit polls asking the question back to 1996.
• Seven in 10 voters say the nation’s economy is in bad shape, fewer than in 2012, 2010 and 2008 -– but still seven in 10.
• Voters by 78-21 percent are worried about the economy’s direction in the year ahead.
• 31 percent say the economy’s getting worse, similar to the number who said so in 2012, vs. 35 percent who say it’s getting better. Thirty-three percent say it’s staying about the same, which for most, isn’t a good thing.
• 28 percent say their own financial situation has improved from two years ago; 25 percent say it’s worse, while nearly half say it’s about the same. Again, that’s better than 2012, 2010 and 2008, but still far from good.
So the approximately 37% of voters who exercised their "rights"—the lowest total since 1942—went out and voted in men & women whose only goal is to make their economic pain much, much worse than it already is.
And to be fair, that was their only option. That's what the $4,000,000,000 paid for.
The New Yorker's John Cassidy called it a protest vote. Yeaaaaah, Right.
I wanted to entertain a modicum of doubt before this election, however, I am now thoroughly convinced that the vast majority of the populace of the U.S.A. is extremely ignorant, irrational AND insane and no longer merits a future!
Posted by: colinc | 11/05/2014 at 11:42 AM