The only good thing about the seemingly endless election is that, mercifully, it will end on November 6. But perhaps the rug will pulled out from under us. Maybe, just maybe, our long national nightmare will simply go on and on after the votes are cast. This terrifying prospect came to mind when I read Maureen Dowd's latest New York Times column, which was re-named Mitt's mind-boggling phoniness in my local "newspaper" the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.
While I was watching Mitt Romney make up fantasy positions in the foreign policy debate, I had a fantasy of my own. And given the electoral isthmus the two men are wrestling on, it doesn't seem like such a wild one. There is growing buzz that the dead heat could slide into a deadlock.
If Mr. Romney does suspend voter disbelief enough to tie President Barack Obama, with each getting 269 Electoral College votes, the Republican-controlled House would determine the president — and give it to Mitt. And the (presumably) Democratic-controlled Senate would determine the vice president — and give it to Joe Biden.
The nightmare is not that the Bane Capitalist will defeat Hopey-Changey—clearly that's a possibility—it's that the election will end up a tie in the electoral college. I don't know how that wouild work exactly, but the Constitution dictates that the House of Representatives would thereby select the next President, which presumably would be the Mittster, on the assumption that the House goes Republican. The election would not end until the House votes! Can you imagine the chaos which would ensue after November 6?
Then I read a column by Salon's Alex Pareene called The Election That Won't End. I broke into a cold sweat.
Are you enjoying this election? If so, I have some good news: We as a nation will definitely continue arguing about it long after it finishes in two weeks. (If it manages to finish in one night!)
... No matter the results of the election, I can guarantee one thing: The winner will be widely considered to be completely illegitimate by the losing side.
... If, in other words, Romney manages to make his difficult electoral math work out, and he wins in Ohio, I guarantee we’ll be hearing horror stories about suppression and “lost” votes for the next year. (Lest anyone accuse me of false equivalence here, I should point out that conservatives are worried about a made-up thing and liberals are worried about a whole series of things that actually happen fairly regularly, at least on the voter suppression side.)
So no matter who wins, the endless partisan arguments are going to continue.
And hell, the campaign might continue for a while, too: There is also a chance that the winner of the popular vote loses the Electoral College this year, again, and if Obama ends up the Electoral College winner I bet Romney and the GOP don’t concede quite as politely as the Democrats did in 2000.
If Romney wins the Electoral College but loses the popular vote, he will be our next president. In the unlikely event of an Electoral College tie, Romney will again probably be our next president. But we might get to keep Biden.
As I said, the only good thing about this nightmarish election is that it has an expiration date! On November 6 you get an opportunity to vote for one of two loosely aligned groups of special interests seeking to divvy up the spoils, or, as the elites who bribe the politicians would put it, reap their just rewards.
Consequently, this demented delirium we call the 2012 election represents a serious departure from Reality. America is experiencing a Psychotic Episode here, a really long one.
In the political world of 2012, what we fondly refer to as Reality has not simply been distorted or ignored; it has been obliterated. On DOTE, the rule of thumb says the more divorced from Reality you are, the crazier you've become. By this solid measure, this never-ending campaign is totally nuts, unalleviated lunacy, unmitigated insanity—I'm talking batshit crazy.
Power-crazed Monkeys. I mean, just take a good hard look at these guys. They're totally nuts! They've lost their grip! No grip! I recently used this image in my post The Best Election Money Can Buy.
The United States has gone round the bend, become totally unglued, completely unhinged. America is beyond the pale. And by "America" I mean the elites and the sock puppets who rule it.
Is there some authority which can institutionalize those who run the United States? Put them out of our misery? Shoot them up with thorazine and confine them to a padded cell?
Sadly, there is not, but that's what needs to happen because those running the United States clearly pose an enormous danger to its citizens and, more importantly for those outside the asylum, to all humans complex life forms on this planet.
And now these pundits are telling us that this crazy nightmare may not end on schedule! These are terrifying prospects.
Have a nice weekend.