A Note On The "Holiday Season"

Day after mind-numbing day between now and New Years Day, Americans will be subjected to an astonishing commercial bombardment designed to help them "celebrate" the holidays. In my local tree-killer the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Sara Bauknecht tells us to Get Merry with these holiday TV specials.

You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout — it's holiday TV time.

That's right, it's that part of the year when seasonal staples such as Charlie Brown, the Grinch, Scrooge, Ralphie Parker, Rudolph and the rest of the gang reprise their spots on the small screen. Joining them will be newcomers, such as the animated "Hoops & Yoyo Ruin Christmas," the romantic charmer "12 Dates of Christmas" and "A Michael Buble Christmas," the Canadian-born singer's first holiday special that will air on NBC. And come Dec. 31, count down to 2012 with Carson Daly, Ryan Seacrest and Dick Clark in Times Square.

So whether you plan to cozy up by the fire, bake cookies or just enjoy the company of family and friends, there's sure to be something on this list to help make the moment a bit merrier.

There follows a list for each day between November 25—the day after Thanksgiving—and January 1 of holiday-related TV specials. Here's today's items. There are only 35 days of this soul-crushing nonsense left to go.

NOV. 26
• "This Christmas," TBS, midnight
• "The Three Gifts," HALL, 12:30 a.m., 6 a.m.
• "Bad Santa," COM, 1:07 a.m.
• "Denis Leary's Merry F... Christmas Special," COM, 3:08 a.m.
• "The Nuttiest Nutcracker," HALL, 5 a.m.
• "Santa Jr.," HALL, 8 a.m.
• "WPXI Presents: My Macy's Holiday Parade," WPXI, 9 a.m.
• "Richie Rich's Christmas Wish," ABCFAM, 10 a.m.
• "The Case for Christmas," HALL, 10 a.m.
• "Holiday on Ice Around the World," WKBN, 12:30 p.m.
• "A Christmas Wish," HALL, 2 p.m.
• "Debbie Macomber's Mrs. Miracle," HALL, 4 p.m., 6 p.m.
• "Secrets From a Holiday Stylist," HGTV, 4 p.m.
• "Unlikely Angel," CMT, 5:45 p.m., 11 p.m.
• "The Dog Who Saved Christmas," ABC-FAM, 6 p.m.
• "Wintertime Treats Unwrapped," FOOD, 7 p.m.
• "The 85th Anniversary of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade," WJAC, WTOV, WFMJ, WPXI, 8 p.m.
• "Debbie Macomber's Trading Christmas," HALL, 8 p.m., 10 p.m.
• "Holiday Block Party 2011," HGTV, 8 p.m.
• "Elf," USA, 8 p.m.
• "Celebrity Holiday Homes," HGTV, 9 p.m.
• "WPXI Presents: My Macy's Holiday Parade," PCNC, 9 p.m.

I want to make two simple points.

You're living in an insane asylum where nothing is real
It didn't used to be this way

The late Joe Bageant called the asylum the media hologram. I wrote an essay about it called Thinking Outside The Box — Part II. (There is a Part I). Nothing that happens within the hologram is real in the sense that it is fake, artificial, wholly contrived. Get merry with these holiday TV specials? These specials are designed to "entertain" you in order to sell you shit during the interminable commercial breaks. Getting "merry" has nothing to do with it. If you're feeling really cheerful, which is highly unlikely given the state of the world, it isn't because today you watched Debbie Macomber's Trading Christmas on the Hallmark channel. It's more likely you just ingested 3 double bourbons in 15 minutes.

Needless to say, Jesus has nothing to do with any of this. More pertinently, you might ask yourself why it takes 18 months to elect a president in the United States. You might also ask yourself why there are (at least) 30 tedious college football bowl games with names like The Bank of America You-Take-It-Up-The-Wazoo Sodomy Bowl. There used to be four—the Rose Bowl, the Orange Bowl, the Cotton Bowl and the Sugar Bowl. (Later joined by a fifth, the Fiesta Bowl).

My second point is perhaps even more important than the first, for it demonstrates that the insane asylum (media hologram) was deliberately brought into existence by corporate hustlers through the ceaseless application of the rule More Is Better. This atrocity came about at a fairly late point in the "evolution" of American "culture" (such as it is). When I was a kid, there was A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965), a few holiday special editions in the week or so before December 25th on venues like The Andy Williams Show, and that was it. That was all there was. And I can tell you, people were a hell of lot more cheerful then than they are now.

And that's all I have to say (for now) about the "Holiday Season".

Bonus Video — A quote from the Huffington Post: After [this] video went viral, sites all across the web began to offer their commentary. Gawker wrote that the video embodies everything that's "awesome" about America, including the "horrible economy, aggressive consumerism, mindless violence and a complete lack of concern for one's fellow human beings."

Comments

You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

This video will cheer you up. The fanny shot is priceless: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/25/waffle-maker-riot_n_1113293.html?

Posted by: Gail | 11/26/2011 at 10:45 AM

I certainly agree with you about the insanity of "More Is Better". It has so much to do with why our insane, dysfunctional society is that way to the extent that it is.

Posted by: Mr. Roboto | 11/26/2011 at 11:15 AM

Don't forget 'merica's newest holiday; Black Friday. While I never leave the compound on BF, this year was special. I had to venture out to the Home Depot for plumbing supplies. The copper fittings section of the plumbing parts isle now has two small video camera/monitor/doorbell/motion sensor gizmos mounted at each end. Each time you enter or move in the area the doorbell rings. Charming. The store audio system is relentlessly playing up-tempo xmas music and all the employees are under strict orders to say hello to you as if they are now all WalMart greeters. After a half an hour getting parts together, I walked around to the other side of the isle to get a piece of tubing, and on return, someone had taken my cart. I'm sure they were just so full of holiday cheer and excitement that they couldn't even leave the parts I'd spent time finding. But, hey, fuckit. I'm on Zoloft, I don't care. Then, as I'm regathering parts and Holly Jolly Christmas is searing thru my seritonin reuptake inhibited brain cells, I do the math on how many hours a full-time employee is subjected to that relentless audio cheer - 160-200. 24hrs later, I still have Holly Jolly Christmas playing in my head, but my plumbing is fixed.
Note to self: never go to the HD w/o noise canceling earbuds and mp3 player.

Posted by: Charles Monroe | 11/26/2011 at 11:24 AM

As a young fella, I remember my uncle feeding weanling pigs. The pigs were:

1. not as fat
2. not as noisy
3. generally more orderly
4. several degrees more intelligent

than the bozos feeding at this trough of consumerism.

What the hell has happened?

Posted by: raintonite | 11/26/2011 at 03:30 PM

Im glad to hear your use of phrase media hologram. I tell people we live in disneyworld. But they laugh and say "how can u think that and be happy?" Well how can u live in the
Magic Castle w fake doors and rooms listening to it's a small world all goddamn day. I just don't get it.

Posted by: Jc | 11/26/2011 at 05:03 PM